Just Do It. (or Don’t).

wedding-black-couple

“Body Party” singer, Ciara, and her boo-thing, Seattle Seahawks quarterback, Russell Wilson have set the bar high on relationship goals  since the moment the world saw those adorable photos of Wilson with Ciara’s baby boy whom she had with her ex-fiancé, rapper, Future.

And they recently got engaged!

[Brief moment of silence in remembrance of those who can’t even make direct eye-contact, get a text back, or accidentally swiped left on their possible soulmate.]

But, Ciara and Wilson’s relationship hasn’t just gotten media attention simply because they’re so cute together. The high-interest also stems from their commitment to something you don’t hear about too often in mainstream romantic rhetoric: abstaining from sex until marriage.

Undoubtedly, the concept of sex can become one of the most important aspects of a relationship. And often the first time tends to have the most pressure built around it. Tons of questions can boggle the minds of a couple in a budding romance. “What if it’s not good? Will he/she enjoy it? Who should initiate?” And, possibly one of the most perplexing of these questions: “when should we do it?”

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Nowadays the idea of waiting for a time as distant as marriage is slowly dying out as more men and women are taking control of their sexuality and refusing to let society dictate their sex lives.

In the past few years, celebrities like Amber Rose and Chelsea Handler became just two of the many women leading the feminist movement towards repairing unjust gender standards- from fighting against slut-shaming, to confronting the social media world about its unfair sexualization of the female body.

And giving another perspective on the reality of women having the right to take control of their bodies, Ciara has apparently promised to keep the goodies in the jar. And she’s not alone. Actress, Meagan Good, proudly practiced abstaining from sex before marriage with her current husband, preacher, DeVon Franklin, and claims that it worked out well. However, this (the abstinent) side of the liberal intimacy spectrum seems to be far less popular and almost excluded from the discussion of women’s sexual freedom.

The “Like A Boy” songstress admitted in an interview months ago that celibacy isn’t “easy” but that she values the “healthy conversations” and “focus” on her partner above all. Yet, her reasoning has been called into question by her peers, and  mocked by her disgruntled ex.

So that brings up an interesting point. Why does society seem to only applaud women who choose to exercise their equal right to be as sexually free as men and casts doubt on those whom decide that their sexual freedom also manifests in their choice to abstain from sexual intercourse?

It comes off a bit self-righteous to insult people for their sexual choices on any side of the fence because what people do behind closed doors is between them, their partner, and the guiding force that helps them decide what is appropriate for them at whatever point they are in life.

Sexual freedom is just that. Freedom. Freedom to have sex with whomever, whenever, or to opt out completely. 

Nicole is a multi-media journalist and contributing writer for African Girls Killing it. Follow her on twitter @NcolAlexandria

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Nicole

Contributing Writer

Nicole is a multi-media story teller and graduate from New York University’s journalism program. She’s an acquired taste and an official Awkward Black Girl.

Keep your eyes open. If you don’t know Nicole yet, you will.

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