Falling Flat for the Wrong Guys

A lot of us have been there; date-after-date finding ourselves constantly falling for the wrong men in search of Mr. Right. It always starts out fine (at least that’s how we perceive it). A few cute dates here and there all the while we’re coerced into something more long term by their short term representatives. Usually, it all ends in heart break either due to their blatant personality flaws that we thought we could get past in the beginning, piles and piles of baggage, or maybe he just wasn’t very interested to begin with.

But why does it keep happening?

After having my fair share of relationship flubs, I’ve come to find out that most, if not all, of the unfortunate scenarios we find ourselves in can be avoided almost from the minute we first say “hello”.

Here are a few ways to know from jump street that it’s time to walk away so that you can hold out for someone actually worth your time.

1. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT

You know that little feeling you get in your stomach when something doesn’t feel right? Trust it. Even if it might seem irrational at the time, our bodies have a way of warning us of danger. So, if something about the way that guy dresses, acts, spoke to the waiter/ess, texts, or even smells has you feeling some type of way, it might be time to back out, or at least be on alert for possible problems ahead.

2. HEED WARNING SIGNS

As the saying goes if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it’s a duck. With that being said, if Timothy says he just got out of a relationship, sounds like he’s not quite over it, acts like he’s ready for a new relationship but still has photos of Susie in his phone, he probably hasn’t moved on and you need to walk away and guard your heart until he’s ready (or forever). This goes for a plethora of scenarios as well. If it looks like an inevitable issue, and feels like an inevitable, it’s an inevitable issue.

3. KNOW WHEN HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s true. Not every guy you like will like you back (or in the same way)- and it doesn’t even make them bad guys. You just can’t force feelings. But, if you want to avoid the drama of finding out the guy you are head over heels for just isn’t that into you, know what to look out for. Clear signs that he’s not looking for anything serious can range from him not initiating conversations, not seeming very interested in talking to you when you’re not together, not attempting to see you outside of a private setting, not talking about your possible future, all of your conversations end up at the same place (you know the place), he won’t claim you in public or online (even in subtle ways such as hand holding), and he’s vague about what your “title” is. Of course there are many other signs as well, but basically, if you notice an abundance of lacking affection and non-boyfriend like actions, maybe it’s time to realize he’s just not feeling it the way you are.

4. IF HE SAYS HE’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU, BELIEVE HIM

This one might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how often we can ignore something so blatant as a guy straight up telling us he’s bad news. Maybe he doesn’t use those exact words, but if a guy tells you he isn’t boyfriend material, says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, explains that he doesn’t know how to love, clearly has trust/emotional/anger issues, or actually proclaims “I’m a bad person” (I’ve had a man say that one before- and yes there were major problems), don’t take that as your opportunity to “save” him, and don’t assume it’s just his low self esteem talking. Trust me, this guy knows himself better than you do and you probably aren’t the first, or last, girl to think you can help. There are some things a person can only get through in their own way, on their own time. Of course there are exceptions to this where women stick around and truly make a positive difference in their man’s life, but these cases can be very rare. So, if you want to avoid all possible pain and drama, don’t test your luck.

If you can grasp these concepts and use them at the beginning of a new romance, you might be able to avoid a painful breakup. Yeah, you may be single for a while until you can find the right guy that doesn’t set off your alarms (Don’t worry. They’re out there), but for some, it may be better to be single than in a constant cycle of heart break.

Nicole is a contributing writer for AGKI and multimedia story teller. Follow her on Twitter @NcolAlexandria

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Nicole

Contributing Writer

Nicole is a multi-media story teller and graduate from New York University's journalism program. She's an acquired taste and an official Awkward Black Girl. Keep your eyes open. If you don't know Nicole yet, you will.

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